My Recovery Plan
*The Search*
2012
I was being triggered. I had started losing control of my bladder every time I came home. I was in a bad situation and I was in the middle of moving to get more support in place for my son with austim.
I saw the family health team's nurse practitioner and had an ultrasound.
After removing myself from a bad situation and obtaining more support for my son, the issue completely stopped and went away. I never had to follow this up.
2013
This is the year that I met my current family doctor. He trained in Hearst with my old GP. I trusted him automatically because I was sure he would understand everything I would tell him. He lived in Hearst. It means something to me. He's the perfect doctor for me.
The first thing I brought up was the massive pain in my ear.
I started by asking my family doctor for a referral to an ear, nose and throat specialist. I was hopeful that an ENT would find the problem. I imagined some kind of tumor. I had a benign tumour on the head when I was born; I imagined another tumor could be at fault.
I saw Dr. P-J in Orillia. By this point the ear pain was so bad I was buying freezing ointment from the pharmacist to fill my ear canals with. I bought a children's medicine dispenser, filled the chamber with the numbing cream and would gently put the plunger piece back on. I would aim the pointy part into my ear canal, to fill it full of this numbing solution. It didn't help but in my mind, it was better than doing nothing.
Dr. P-J had to clean my ear drums. Seeing the desperation to know what was causing this, he ordered a CT scan. It came back unremarkable. I was bummed out. I really had hoped it was something easy and simple.
Maybe my parents were right. It's all in my head. The pain was so bad. Nothing could help me. Maybe I'm crazy. My brothers both said pain isn't real that it's all in my head. Yes. It's in my head. I agree. But it's REAL.
Fuck.
**
2013
I started medication for nerve pain. I was tired and lethargic. I started having liver pains.
When my son was a toddler, I woke up jaundiced one morning. I was trying out a new psych medication and my liver was swelling. I was able to correct the situation but unfortunately I was left with a weak liver for a few years. The nerve pain medication we first decided to try, affected my liver function.
So, that didn't work out.
**
2014
My first real childhood friend recommended a neurologist. I trust her family and their judgement. I've known her my whole life almost.
I went to see Dr. W. I was impressed he knew where I came from. He sees patients in Timmins. I automatically trusted the guy.
He started with some tests and an MRI.
Nothing could explain why I was in so much pain. I was getting frustrated.
2014
My family doctor sent for an MRI to try and find the problem.
They couldn't find anything.
I started believing that I could actuality be nuts.
2014
Another MRI that was normal.
Why can't they find the problem??
I was in so much pain.
I don't want pain killers. Please fix this.
2014
One more unremarkable.
I started believing I was nuts.
2014
And then they found something. Not what we were looking for but still...something.
I started seeing Dr. W often. Asking him to help.
That's when I was referred to Dr. Man's pain clinic. I started getting prolotherapy injections, cortisone injections, and nerve block injections monthly.
I helped because it froze my facial nerves for about an hour. Driving home was pure bliss. No pain for most of the journey home.
The injections were painful. I held on to and squeezed the stress balls, gritting my teeth hard trying to hold my breath and not move. These were ultrasound guided injections. The locations targeted were near main arteries. I could hear my specialist and the ultrasound technician discuss bypassing things while placing the needle. Then the medication would be released and I would feel this intense burning sensation as the needle withdrew. I would release my breath, still clutching the stress balls in both hands. I layed back on the exam table, listening to the heart monitor as my blood pressure cuff started inflating. This is the part where I rest while waiting for relief to kick in.
Was it working? No. But. The little bit of relief it offered me, about one hour, was worth it for me. It was an entire hour where I got to be myself. I sang loudly in the car. Smiling. Happy. Free. Even if it was short lived.
2015 to 2018
2017
Going through Facebook, I came upon a pain management group. A doctor from London came up through the discussions. I reached out to his patient for more information.
I then asked my neurologist for a referral. The guy is amazing! He put it through for me! I drove to London to meet this groundbreaking neurosurgeon.
I sat in a little room with my son by my side. The specialist came in with a team. I had been so focused on the ear pain, that I didn't realize I had other painful areas. Then this guy did the weirdest thing, he pointed out spots I didn't even realize were numb. I was in awe. He knows what's wrong. He's seen this. Mentally I was doing this internal happy dance. FINALLY!!!! I had found my saviour! He knew about this!
After a few more tests, I came back to see this hero in a lab coat! He proposed a radical surgery that involved removing the top of my skull to place electrodes on my brain. My reaction: you know, maybe it's not quite that bad yet! I told him I would go home and think about it.
2017-2018
I still don't understand what happened. I got sick. I couldn't keep anything down. Within a 10 month period, I lost 100lbs.
Then in late April 2018, I didn't have enough birth control running through my system. I was in a new relationship. It wasn't planned. I got pregnant.
One of my specialists urged me to consider my "family planning" options. When I refused Dr. S discharged me as a patient. I didn't really care. His practice was terrifying for me.
I was feeling lost.
I didn't know what to do.
My OB ordered some blood work. I was on a heavy medication regimen. I needed to know if this child was healthy. My doctor put in for genetic testing. I waited patiently, keeping the news to myself, before telling anyone.
My medical team went over my medication. I had been accessing a cannabinoid specialist as I wasn't interested in narcotic medication. These medications were stopped. The pain was unbearable and off the record, another specialist, told me there was no data on fetal harm from the use of CBD oil. I was also directed to stop using advil and to switch to Tylenol.
The pain was horrible. It was a high risk pregnancy. My team proposed I use Methadone for pain management purposes during my pregnancy. I declined. I looked up the side effects. Blindness was one of those. I decided to use Tylenol around the clock with CBD oil to help with the inflammation. It barely took the edge off the pain. I completely changed my diet. They changed my antidepressants to ones they decided were safer.
The genetic testing revealed I was going to have a daughter. My whole life I prayed for a healthy mother-daughter relationship but it never happened. I took this as a possible answer to my prayers.
I didn't know if I could carry the pregnancy to term. I constantly bled for the first 5 months. The foetus was struggling to attach to the damaged walls of my uterus. I decided to keep it a secret. If I revealed it too early and anything happened, I wouldn't be able to explain.
When I was told we were out of danger, I let everyone know. It was difficult. The pain was intense.
At 38 weeks, I had a planned C-section. My daughter was born having seizures. I could see the foam around her mouth and staff ran out if the room with her to bring her to the NICU where her pediatrician was already waiting. My daughter was shipped out to Sick Kid's in Toronto while I had to stay behind in Orillia. The only thing that held me together was knowing her father and our friend were there for her.
I rested trying to regain my strength to leave so I could reunite with my child.
Twenty four hours after my C-section I was reunited with my daughter.
I discussed my options with the lactation consultant at Sick Kid's.
I wasn't planning to breast feed for long because I needed to go back on my medications.
For a few weeks, I enjoyed the privilege of breastfeeding my daughter.
2019
2020
Still no answer. My pain keeps increasing. My pain meds are maxed out. Nothing is helping. COVID shut down everything.
Somehow they didn't forget about me. And I had another MRI.
2020
I met with a psychiatrist. For the first time in my life, I had an honest conversation with someone about my issues. I connected with Dr. D. She was the first female psych I had ever met.
She added to my meds. For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD and depression. There was an actual diagnosis for what was happening to me. I was shaped through extreme trauma. It's why I see everything differently. My reality is different and always has been. It's why no one understands me.
I have night terrors where I relive trauma. These episodes are intense. I was honest because I realized I actually needed help. I wanted to be the best version of me that I could be for my children. I wanted to stop surviving and learn how to live my life.
The birth of my daughter brought more memory flashes.
I didn't want to go through the same issues I had after the birth of my son.
The goal was always the same, to become the best version of myself that I could be so that my children will remember the best things about me.
Something is wrong with me. The pain keeps getting worse. Whatever is happening to me right now, will most likely eventually kill me.
I looked it up. Trigeminal neuralgia, the suicide disease, has a 10 year life span. What I have is very similar. I don't have the typical symptoms of trigeminal neuralgia.
The pain is worse than the 29.5hrs of labour I endured with my son.
I started the new meds.
I felt better and I can sleep through the night.
2021
Good news.
Surgery scares me.
2021
The pain kept increasing. The injections provided no relief. I couldn't function well. After thinking it over, I asked for another referral to the only specialist who seems to understand this. Whatever he wants to try, I'm in.
Unfortunately, my hero in a lab coat was retiring. He didn't think he would have the time to get to me before leaving. I was heartbroken. But. He also brought up his colleague, Dr. L, who might be able to help me. He began to explain what his colleague could do for me. He held this plastic skull and showed me these wires he called leads. I was willing to try anything.
Dr. L came into the room. He discussed a plan with me. I went home to think about it while waiting for a call.
On the following visit, I signed consent forms and waited for a surgery date.
2022
I had a trial system surgically implanted on May 11, 2022 to help with the pain I have caused by vascular compressions to my nerve bundles. My hero in a lab coat was present with Dr. L.
My ear ache initially started in 1992. My grandmother used to put drops in my right ear in an attempt to help me. At that point the pain was transient. I also suffered from migraines starting at age 11.
I will forever be grateful to Dr. P for introducing me to his colleague, Dr. L. After years of being turned away and being told there was nothing that could be done, I can't stress how important it is to never give up hope.
I'm grateful to the London Health Sciences Centre and to the London Health Sciences Foundation for making this possible.
I believe in miracles.
I needed to find the right person to help me, and that was Dr. L.
It's why I never gave up looking.
November 17, 2022
Permanent Implant
I'm the first person in Canada to have this spinal cord stimulator permanently implanted and used "off label" in this manner. This is completely new technology.
My spinal cord stimulator comes with a charging device and a remote. My neuromodulation team can hook up to the device via Bluetooth. It's really impressive equipment.
The permanent spinal cord stimulator was just implanted today.
I decided to post pictures so people can see what it involves.
That's me before surgery.
That's me ready for surgery.
In my room after surgery.
My chest is still too swollen to charge my device. I keep icing it in the hopes I will be able to charge it soon.
November 18th, 2022
The lead in my cheek got dislodged when I was opening my mouth too wide dry heaving and vomitting after surgery. As a result, I will be getting the dislodged lead explanted on November 28th.
It's disappointing but I'm not upset. My neurosurgeon is an amazing guy because he is still trying to help me.
I've been blessed with a lot of good people. Angels really. And these people have made all the difference in my life. Setbacks happen. I'm still going to get back up, it's just going to take a little more time.
For now, I'm taking antibiotic to prevent a meningitis infection as I enjoy the benefits of stimulation therapy.
November 27th
I just checked into my room. I'm praying there might be a way to keep the electrode in my cheek but I know it's impossible. I'm just scared of the facial pain coming back. It's hard living with this much pain every day.
November 28th
Today I had my lead explanted. The pain hasn't hit yet but I know it will come.
I know this is going to work. Phase I and II of my surgical intervention has already been proven to work.
My revision is planned for Jan/Feb 2023. I am going to be the first success story for my neurosurgeon! I'm told I'm the first in Canada to have this spinal cord stimulator implanted this way!
I'm going home to heal.
And then we shall try again in the new year!
Dec 1, 2022
Tonight I'm thinking about everything that went wrong on November 17th, during the second surgery.
I'm usually fine facing things alone but after the second surgery, when my legs were moving involuntarily, I was looking around the room for a familiar face. My legs were trembling hard. They ran a CT scan.
I had a bad C-PTSD episode coming out of anesthesia. I was alone watching my team try to figure out what was happening. I was unable to speak.
It's been on my mind a lot these past few days.
I couldn't sit up because I was being held down. My body was trembling fiercely as my legs jerked. I was being held down in ice water. I could hear the noises I was making. Gurgling noises almost. I rode it out as quietly as I could like a wave in the ocean until it dissipated and I returned to reality.
Thankfully the third surgery went much better. I'm hoping and praying it will be the same next time. I just hope and pray it doesn't happen again like that. It was pretty terrifying.
I was alone.
Dec 2, 2022
January 25, 2023
How many girls out there can say they have a remote to their brain?
This device, helping in pioneering the way for all those with similar brain trauma everywhere! I hope this surgery can bring relief to someone else out there some day.
For me, I expect it will completely change my life for the best.
I will finally live a normal life. I will be able to be fully present and in the moment for the first time in almost 30 years! I've been praying my whole life for this.
This is my miracle.
January 2024
After 18 years, 6 months and 23 days since my last day of work, on January 26, 2024 I was able to walk into my first college placement. I was nervous. Maybe it was too early. My doctor appeared unsure as he signed the forms. I assured him that it was just two days a week. In my mind it would give me a good idea as to whether or not going back to work on a full time basis was even possible for me. I would need a supportive and an inclusive environment. I wasn't sure if this is what I was headed towards but I walked into my first day of placement, a half day on a Friday, in order to read the daycare policies. Apparently this was supposed to be part of my hours as it is considered on the job training but I didn't care that Maria wouldn't have my time there as such. I was just excited about this opportunity. The plan was not to work in the daycare environment but to actually work with children on the autism spectrum within the French school system, primarily kindergarten. First, I needed to graduate and this placement was a part of the requirements for graduation. My semester was rather bare. I thought this would give me the opportunity to really gauge my physical abilities now that I could feel pain again.
I walked into the daycare unsure of what to expect that morning. I was told to sit in the staff room with this rather large binder where I was made to read all of the daycare policies. "La Garderie au Coeur de l'Amitie". Some of these papers were stapled together inside plastic protective read-through pouches. I would pull out the small stacks of papers and read through them. Some said "Employee signatures". I left those pages blank. I wasn't employed there, I didn't plan on being employed by this daycare. This was my practice job. My safety net. This is where I would see if I could physically handle going back to work. I was eyeing the school this daycare is attached to; EEC Frere Andre. The policies were long, mundane and very repetitive. You could tell that it hadn't been organized in a very long time. Some of the documents were outdated. It didn't matter. I'm here to learn. This is historical stuff so I guess it is pertinent to my placement, I reasoned. About an hour after I started reading, (I am a very slow reader due to central vision issues in my right eye) I heard one of the employees sounding very upset while talking to the daycare manager. She was upset about her hours. I didn't understand why she would be getting her hours cut as I am just a student and students on placement do not count as being there when it comes to the ratios of workers to children. I'm not an employee. I am here on my practice job. I could hear Maria ushering this employee into her office and she proceeded to close the door. It didn't dampen the sound at all. She was genuinely upset over my presence. I haven't even met my teachers yet and these women are already upset over my presence. I decided I would bring it up to my placement coordinator at our next meeting.
I was finally done reading the binder just before noon. I found Maria. "You want to work Monday and Tuesday?" she asked, "Seven and a half hour days. That's all you need?".
"I need 15 hours a week done within two days. It's an insurance thing I think." I replied. I honestly had no idea. These were just the requirements of my placement. "Look at me as a secret weapon, extra help. I don't count on the ratios as set out by the law but I'm free." I was hoping everyone would hear me like I heard the upset employee earlier that day but I wasn't upset like she had been. I doubted my excited voice carried through.
"For your lunch break, do you require a long lunch break like Madame Noémie? She needs 2 hours." I was trying to figure out if she was serious. I had no intentions of working a split shift. I have evening classes. I have dinners to handle. If I started at 8am, I could be done by 4pm with a 30 minute break. I looked at her confused, "No. I just require the standard 30 minutes to use the washroom and maybe grab something to drink. I don't require hours to eat."
"Over here is our toddler room. You can go inside and make yourself familiar with the surroundings. Look at the walls. Our bulletin boards. You can stay as long as you like." she said before walking away from me, leaving me at the gate. I examined the locking mechanism before opening the gate and walking into the classroom. I looked around quickly. The ECE in the room wasn't very welcoming. I wasn't sure who she was. I smiled as I looked around the room. I noticed where they kept the documents we discussed in class. I saw the fire exit signs. I saw the plan on where to go during a fire drill. I smiled back at the ECE in the room and told her that I would be back on Monday morning for my first "shift".
I left for home with butterflies in my stomach. I was excited. Maybe I could get them to see that I was an asset and not out to get their jobs.
Monday came and I felt so nervous that I could throw up! I had to wake up before my son so that I could shower and still make it to "work" on time. I was trembling in the shower while washing up. What if they never accept me? What if they don't like me? I wore an outfit I had selected the night earlier. I felt comfortable in it. Maybe it would make things easier if I felt comfortable in my own clothing that day. I made my children's lunches and now mine too. I was committed to following a strict diet. Since my surgeries I have been cutting back on inflammatory foods. I want to get back on the diet I was on pre-pregnancy with my daughter. I felt good. I felt healthy. I haven't felt like that since her birth 5+ years ago. I decided that being occupied like this for the first two days of the week would set a good precedent to stay on track with my diet for the rest of the week. Diets are hard and I have very little resolve. I packed my one daily meal, a highly packed smoothie, and water. At the last minute I threw in a bottle of water enhancer. I've never been a big fan of water but if I freeze half the bottle and refill the rest after, it's not as bad. I can drink it. I didn't freeze a half bottle the night before so the water enhancer was my next go to.
I was struggling with the anxiety from the rapid detox from the week before. It was supposed to be done over months but I didn't have months. To graduate, I need a placement! Even if I never plan on working in a daycare, I need this placement. Two days a week should be manageable. I still vaped prescribed cannabis at home but did not prior to leaving for my placement.
As it turns out, the ECE that had not been very welcoming was my mentor. I walked in holding my water bottle ready to be put to work. I was there to learn and to help in any way I could. I put my bottle on the counter as she began to explain the toy rotation. I followed her into the room where they kept the surplus toys. She was showing me a variety of old toys, some of these toys could be dated back to the 1980's. The paint was faded. The toys looked old. I was disappointed. I thought they would have educational materials being that they were tied to a school but from what I could see, there were no STEM toys anywhere. The classroom had no actual centres set up. There was no planning of activities or crafts. Everything was done on the spur of the moment. Looking through the toys we came across a large bucket of magnet toys. It was then that I told my ECE mentor that I couldn't be around large magnets like these ones or around magnetic fields created by welding equipment. My equipment is sensitive to magnets. I was told that using my welder could damage my device. It's not hard to figure out that a damaged device would mean more surgeries. I told her that being around magnets could be a life threatening event for me. I explained to her that I had a device implanted under my brain. She had questions. I tried to answer them as best as I could. I didn't think that bringing up the fact that I am a child abuse survivor would be something that could be used against me but apparently it would be, later on. This piece of equipment is implanted under the single most important organ in my body...it's not like it's my heart or my spine...we were discussing a serious matter. I relayed to her the importance of keeping large magnetic objects away from my chest and that perhaps it would be best not to bring these into the room I would be in. I also asked if she could remove anything like them that are already present in the room. She didn't really answer me but I was sure she understood that it was a medical thing.
We went about trading out toys and putting in new toys. She picked out Mr. Potato Head. She was talking about how that toy was a hit among the kids. I looked in the bucket and found that most of these toys had been purchased from the local dollar store. I recognized the smaller versions of the original Mr. Potato Head. All of the doors for the body had been taken off along with all of the pieces, left loose inside of this clear plastic bucket. I watched her run around the room all day. She ran circles around me. I wasn't given any direction once the children started showing up. I was largely ignored by her and by her coworker who came in a few hours later.
I left to go home that day disappointed. I had spent the day just standing around trying to figure out where to step in to help. When I tried to help, my ECE mentor would get upset with me and would speak to me like I was one of her 2 year old students. I decided that maybe she was just stuck in "baby mode" seeing as there were kids everywhere but then I noticed she didn't behave this way towards her coworker. I didn't know her and I don't remember ever meeting her. I don't understand why she was behaving this way towards me. I was just a student there to help and learn so that I could graduate.
Maybe it would take some time.
I got to my car and remembered how one of the wheels had locked up on me on my way to work that morning. I had gotten in for my first shift trembling. I had lost control of the vehicle and it had spun out in the middle of an intersection. I parked it nearby and walked the rest of the way into work. Now getting to my vehicle I wasn't looking forward to what was coming. I decided to call my boyfriend for help. I drove my car slowly through traffic with one locked wheel to the nearest auto wreckers. The ice patches and the snow on the ground scared me as I drove. This car was done. This car was toast. I pulled into the auto wreckers and signed over the ownership to my vehicle. I put the contents into my boyfriend's trunk and had him drive me home. That was it. No more vehicle.
My boyfriend switched his days off to my work days so that he could leave me his car to help me out and help me save money. For that reason I decided to not cancel my car insurance. I was so grateful to him for all of this help, he went above and beyond in making this whole placement possible for me. My daughter's school helped out with the aftercare and the before care that my daughter would need. I made many arrangements which were significantly costly with everyone around me in order to be able to be there. Not because I want to work there but because I wanted to graduate college. It's at the top of my bucket list.
My second day did not go any better. I was yelled at for trying to comfort a child. I hadn't realized that he was being punished at the time. There was no communication between my ECE mentor and I. She acted like I was in her way. I didn't feel much better leaving work on my second day.
Despite repeatedly bringing it up, the magnets persisted and stayed in the room. On the third week, I came into work to find 7 toddlers running around with the large magnets. I was seriously triggered. Fearing for my life I kept my body with my back against a wall ready to move out of the way of incoming magnets.
I could catch glimpses of my mentor watching me from across the room. She thought it was funny. I could tell by the way she smiled.
Honestly, I was subjected to two more shifts with children running around holding large magnets.
My last day, I watched my RECE mentor, Noémie, take a child's drink away. The little boy was crying hard trying to choke down dry whole wheat pasta, which could be clearly seen in his mouth. I couldn't take it. I gave the child his drink. It's against the law to take a child's drink as punishment at meal times. Just like it was against the law to cover children's heads with blankets at nap time.
Noémie flew into a rage. She took the drink away from the child and blamed me for his crying. I started to cry. She started ridiculing me. The situation was more than I could handle. I stayed until it was time to go but I never returned.
My brand new Saucony shoes stayed behind. I don't ever want to step foot inside that daycare.
Bye bye expensive running shoes!
I don't ever want to see Noémie again. She's abusive to the special needs children in her care. Being neurodivergent myself and witnessing this, it was too much for me.
After that experience, I needed to switch my program. I wasn't sure if I would be able to work in this field after seeing this. It was too triggering for me.
As a child, I watched my brother be force fed with the butt end of a steak knife with my father screaming "Ouvre la ta crisse de bouche si non j'vo casser toute tes calices de dents! Tu vas manger mon p'tit crisse!". He could be seen using the knife, forcefully hitting him in the mouth, to force feed my brother who was crying and choking on pieces of minute steak by then.
February 2024
My iron kept tanking since Melody's birth. In between surgeries I had transfusions.
I was always short of breath. I was exhausted.
March 2024
I was in pain, my iron was tanking and I wouldn't stop bleeding after 3 weeks despite medication.
This had been ongoing since a no fault eviction where I lifted and moved my belongings by myself while dry heaving.
I was coming off all pain medication. It was a horrible situation for me to get through.
Since August 2023, the pain and the symptoms had progressed.
I went to the emergency room.
Apparently I had torn my C-section and it had never healed properly. The excessive lifting and exertion most likely re-aggravated the injury I had been unable to feel previously, due to my constant ear pain.
I had been waitlisted for a year to see my original OBGYN. I wasn't moving up the wait list.
I asked for a referral to an OBGYN of my chosing, who works for London Victoria Hospital and Children's Hospital.
Given the level of care previously received with London University Hospital, I decided it was best to stay close to my neurosurgeon. I know he's not an OB but somehow being cared for by one of his colleagues gave me hope.
2025
I required several transfusions in order to be able to have surgery. I needed to bring my numbers up. I took twice the amount of iron with vitamin C to try and bring my numbers up. This surgery was important and was becoming an emergency.
January 16, 2025
I was scheduled for a hysterectomy on January 17, 2025. My family piled into the car and we proceeded to check into an Airbnb.
It was unplowed. It was a complete nightmare.
Thankfully, Aimee was able to join us. She had agreed to help out in between jobs.
The neighbours had a huge party.
I got no sleep before surgery.
January 17, 2025
I was scheduled for a full hysterectomy and pelvic floor repair.
We decided to leave a day early because of the parties next door.
Before leaving London, Aimee's car broke down and had to be towed back.
Luckily, her father was able to fix it for her. This surgery triggered my C-PTSD. I started experiencing pain that I could feel in my chest. It was like an intense burning sensation. With it would begin a 6 month long episode of memory flashes.
Within days of coming home, I reached out to my family doctor for help. He was able to adjust my medication but I am currently topped out on my antidepressants which required the addition of a second medication.
I don't know how many people realize that it can take up to six months for your body to adjust to medication and for it to start working effectively. I knew right away that I would be in for 6 months of flashback memories.
It would be okay. Aimee would be there to help me.
A few days after my surgery, Aimee was threatened by my children's Ontario-based service provider. I lost all the support I had. I don't have any family.
Approximately 6 weeks after a full hysterectomy and pelvic floor repair, I was forced to lift my daughter in a moment of crisis. This resulted in my going into rectal prolapse. The loss of this support was devastating and led to detrimental health effects to myself. Around the same time, it was also discovered that my daughter was punitively threatened and isolated by the same Ontario-based service provider. This added to my current situation.
I then began to look into a DBS device for my PTSD, something I had previously dismissed.
Given the extra stress caused by the Ontario-based service provider, I wanted to look further into this option. The Ontario-based service provider in Barrie, has made my life a living hell. I began filing complaints with multiple tribunals after being forced into bankruptcy over the insane amount of $158,600.00.
These Ontario-based service provider put the remaining balance of an estimate from Jordan's Principle funding into collections directly against me following the punitive termination of my contract for my child. This, after I demanded transparency. I had to declare a full bankruptcy. I had been attending college while undergoing surgery after surgery. It gave me hope.
I one moment, my hope for a better life was ripped out of my grasp.
Bankruptcy took away my access to educational funding. This took away access to graduation from two college programs I had made the Dean's lists with.
I had pawned and sold everything I had of value to get there.
Three years of time, hard work, effort and financial hardships were all for not.
I would never graduate college.
Everything I had worked toward was gone.
I filed with the HRTO on behalf of my daughter. While trying to recover without support, I discovered that my daughter had also been punitively isolated by this highly recommended Ontario-based service provider.
As it turns out, I sent my child to what appears to be a modern day version of the residential school system. A system that tried to erase an entire people from our country. We were targeted for our Indigenous funding source, Jordan's Principle. An unlimited emergency funding source that has no transparency demands attached to protect the people it serves. Somehow this funding source became a double edged sword.
July 2025
I met with Dr. Ben at Sunnybrook in Toronto. He was sure he could help me. I was hopeful I would be able to qualify for their trial.
I met with the first psychiatrist to evaluate me, Dr. G. He was pretending to sleep as he had his student question me and go through my medical history. It appeared I bored the man extensively.
Near the end of my session, Dr. G suddenly became awake and began pulling out x-ray pictures of a trial patient. He asked me if I knew what I was getting myself into. And then he discussed the possible removal of my current device. They addressed it as being sub par stating Meditron was superior.
I saw red flags! Red flags everywhere!
There's something I haven't shared yet.
The replacement of my current leads could be impossible. The extensive scar tissue formation could make it impossible to position new leads properly. These leads fabricated by Boston Medical are currently saving my life. I'm not willing to remove them over a brand issue.
I put the trial on hold asking for a female specialist. I wanted to take the time to discuss this with Dr. L.
September 2025
