Chapter 44: My father finds more evil ways to hurt me



We were all sitting at the table. Dinner was chicken from the grocery store.
The round wooden table usually pressed a chair against the wall to make room to open the refrigerator but the table had been pulled out. The house felt full of people.
My brothers sat next to me. It felt good being reunited with them. The first semester away at college had been hard and demanding. It had been a fairly overwhelming experience financially. Trying to balance babysitting gigs with homework. I felt more at peace with them by my side. We were all eating dinner. There was laughter as we spoke to one another. I was off in my own little world when the words "Oh! Stan!", coming from my father, grabbed my attention. Everyone was laughing. My brothers. My mother. 
This is the first time it happened. I had my first flashback. I can't explain it exactly. 
I could hear my father's words. "Votre soeur a l'aime so elle. A vos y tiré les cheveux de même.", he demonstrated by pulling his own hair. "Pis après, a vos l'faisser par la tête. Oh Stan! Continue!"
That's when I had a memory flash.
I was back in the motel room with my father in Belleville. 
I woke up during the assault. At some point I sort of woke up.

I felt groggy. My eyes couldn't focus. Everything was blurry. My face was covered. I felt something off down there. Between my legs. It hurt. Like a lot. I brought my right hand down to see what was happening. 
My hand felt a head of hair.
'What in the fuck! What is hair doing there!' I thought. I was in full panic mode.
I was screaming and hitting him in the head. "Ow! It hurts! Stop!".
My stomach was turning. He was biting me hard. Really hard. It hurt so bad. I just kept hitting him, pleading, trying to get him to stop. He just buried his head into my groin harder. I was frantically punching his head.

Next thing I knew, I was being pulled off my father. I had him pinned against the fridge. I had no idea how I even got there. I was full out hitting him, scratching him and biting him. I was punching him hard in the head. I bit his arms as hard as I could when he used them to protect himself. I was no longer in control of my actions. A drop of blood was visible by his left eye.

"T'es tu fole crisse? Calice de jeune Sauvage!" my mother was hitting me. Slapping me back into the present.
I started to cry.
"Dans ta chambre! Crisse de jeune Sauvage! Pis restes'y!"
I could hear my father laughing as I headed to my bedroom. They were all laughing at me. 
I was heartbroken.
They all thought it was funny.
I could hear my mother talking loudly from my bedroom. She thought I had lost my mind. 

The topic of my mental health came up quite a few times over the summer. How I randomly fly into a rage was discussed at great length.

My father and my brothers spent the rest of the summer teasing me in the same manner.
The teasing went on until Stan left. It destroyed my first serious relationship.

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