How to Rise Above it All

I tried rebuilding my life but I wasn't okay inside. Far from it.  My baby brother had come out to spend time with me. It made Stephanie really upset. She told me that I had put her mother on the spot when I called to ask if my baby brother could come back with me. I wasn't trying to put anyone on the spot. I just wanted to keep my baby brother safe. I figured showing up with him without asking first would have been putting Connie on the spot. Had she said no, I would have been okay with it. I don't know. There was a lack of something there.  Larry, her step father who knew everything that had happened to me, put his gross disgusting lips on me the night before I left. I felt like a deer in the headlights. I didn't expect that. I brought my baby brother to work with me the next morning. I was afraid of how he would be treated when I wasn't around. Maybe Steph's place wasn't as safe as I thought it was.  I worked as a swing manager at McDonald's in Leamin...

My baby brother reached out Sept 2021 This was my answer to him about him coming back into my life. To which he took time to answer me with this... but to me, my mother operating like Windows 94 is still not an excuse. Despite a low IQ, she still knew right from wrong. Her parents were foster parents. It's not like she had nowhere to go. I think he talks a lot of shit to justify using drugs. It's true there are studies out there, all done in controlled clinical trials. I wouldn't suggest trying psychedelics without being under the clinical supervision of a licensed care provider. My brother choses to live under the guise of drugs and alcohol. He sounds more and more like my father every time he reaches out; the world's finest shit talker!  My meds are all prescribed. I rarely drink alcohol. I'm doing the work to get better and heal. I can't have this kind of crap in my life. I just can't.  ...

"Tabarnak! T'es po capable de dessinée mieu que so! Argorre ben le papillion!" my father was screaming, slamming his hand against the counter. He was pointing at a picture in one of the many encyclopedias. His finger was hitting the book with enough force to make a sound and a small impression in the paper. I looked down at my paper. I looked at my black lines. I looked up at the book. Maybe it needed more colours.  No matter how hard I tried, my black lines didn't match the ones in the picture. He wanted me to make a precise drawing of the monarch butterfly. I was 4 years old. I was in kindergarten.  He grabbed me by the neck and dragged me to my bedroom. I could see the carpet rushing past under my feet. He threw my little body into the bedroom.  I shared a room with my little brother.  I landed on the floor between our single beds. My head hit the box spring to my bed but it didn't really hurt. It did but it didn't. I was scared. I felt anxious. I got right...

We were all sitting at the table. Dinner was chicken from the grocery store. The round wooden table usually pressed a chair against the wall to make room to open the refrigerator but the table had been pulled out. The house felt full of people. My brothers sat next to me. It felt good being reunited with them. The first semester away at college had been hard and demanding. It had been a fairly overwhelming experience financially. Trying to balance babysitting gigs with homework. I felt more at peace with them by my side. We were all eating dinner. There was laughter as we spoke to one another. I was off in my own little world when the words "Oh! Stan!", coming from my father, grabbed my attention. Everyone was laughing. My brothers. My mother.  This is the first time it happened. I had my first flashback. I can't explain it exactly.  I could hear my father's words. "Votre soeur a l'aime so elle. A vos y tiré les cheveux de même.", he demonstrated by pull...

I walked into Scotiabank trying to see the mother of two kids I worked with. I had been told she could work magic! I needed magic at this point. The loan officer was super helpful! She took the balance still owing on my student loans at the Caisse and she put it together with my new to me credit cards to give me a smaller payment. I was impressed.  And then she told me I could get extra money for a new to me car! It wasn't enough to buy my boss' car, but I was thrilled just the same! I had found my way out of this mess. Everything might just be okay. Ricky's brother moved in with his grandparents and I. I had found this car on auto trader. Another Toyota. It was in my price range but it was in Sudbury. I asked my new roommate if he could come with me to help me bring it back. He seemed happy to help. I was so happy! He was becoming a good friend. So he and I left in a Tilden rental car for Sudbury to pick up my 1992 Paseo. He followed me back in the rental car. I was back o...

I was at my mother's when the Crown Attorney called. She had given me the web address to go check to see if the courts had renderred a decision for the appeals. I was constantly checking on Mathieu's brand new computer my mother had bought him. He was really good about sharing his stuff with me. When she called, I ran downstairs to the computer to read it. May 19, 2004. They were giving him 24hrs to surrender himself to the police station. Until then, I was under police supervision to ensure my safety. I was closing the store that night. I was surrounded by crew so I felt safe. I was in my happy place. If he came for me, I was okay with it because there were witnesses everywhere around me. I loved the crew I worked with; some of whom had been there the first time I worked there. I felt like they were my family now. They made me smile. They made me laugh. And my new store manager was amazing! I totally adored her! I hung out with her a few times but afraid to become a burden, I ...