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The Middle Part, Becoming Mandy - Everything That Led Me to Safety (Unfinished)

** Leamington I sat around the dirty livingroom, watching a mouse scurry across the kitchen floor to hide in a cupboard.  I took a drag from my cigarette, trying to get my mind to focus.  This is not where I wanted to be.  Apparently this house had a rat infestation before, so this was nothing.  My boyfriend liked to laugh at my lack of experience with rodents. These weren't mice.  There were moles. What do I know? Despite cleaning and trying to keep just the downstairs of the small home was proving to be impossible. I would wash the floor and Bernie would track mud with his boots through the house. I could feel my depression weighing on me. I couldn't accomplish the smallest of tasks without it getting ruined.  The house was chaos. The children ran wild. I was not their mother. I would never be their mother. They ignored me when I tried to keep them safe. It appeared they were accustomed to roaming around this yard that resembled a garbage dump. My mind ke...
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The Beginning: Valerie Deschamps

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Why write my story?  In my mid thirties I began reliving many unprocessed traumatic memories from my childhood. My life unraveled before my eyes. I was vomiting daily. I lost 100lbs in less than a year without even trying. I couldn't understand how it was that I had "forgotten" all of these memories as they started coming up piece by piece. Some had me trembling in tears. Others left my limbs covered in bruises. Some left me dry heaving. Each memory fragment gave me a piece of the bigger picture to understanding why I am the way I am. Mostly I learned that the mental impact a situation has on a person is tied with their ability to understand and comprehend what is going on around them. I honestly didn't understand what was happening. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off not knowing and other times I am glad I know as it helped me adjust my life towards living in a more supportive and positive environment.    I am writing about my experiences for me. I need ...
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