How to Rise Above it All

Following the successful trial surgery, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, eagerly awaiting the call for the permanent implantation of a spinal cord stimulator! Unfortunately, the pain returned, and when I reached for the medication my neurosurgeon had prescribed, I found only an empty bottle. To my shock, my longtime friend had taken most of my medications. Devastated, I cried. We had agreed I wouldn't use the tramadol, but I never imagined she would take it, especially since she had me reimburse her for it; my health benefits had failed at the pharmacy. After consulting with my pain specialist, I resumed taking my usual medications at their full dosages. Thankfully, they were effective again, possibly reset by the trial surgery. For a few days, I was pain-free and device-free, which felt incredibly freeing and gave me hope for what the future might hold. The surgery was experimental but showed great promise, motivating me to plan positively for my remaining time on Earth. I then ref...

Feb 4, 2023 I am in so much pain! You have no idea! I spent the weekend trembling in pain. My body was hot and then I would freeze, I couldn't regulate my own body temperature.  Pain so bad I was flashing back to being tied in the closet. I thought I was going to die alone in a basement coat closet when I was about 4 years old.  February 8, 2023 I'm still in pain but it's either getting better or I'm getting used to the new pain.  I'm going with better. Maybe it's residual swelling. Maybe it's just going to keep getting better. Maybe today is the day I get all caught up. The only person getting in my way is me now. No more excuses. I've been in pain my whole life almost. I'll get through this hard part. I'm almost home free. Feb 9, 2023 I got smacked in the head accidentally last night.  Oh My God! I cried. My child cried. We both cried together. I feel nauseous today. Feb 10, 2023 I fou...

Jan 27, 2023 I'm hungry.  My jaw hurts and my teeth don't line up making it hard to chew. It just feels like a lot of work when I try to chew. My jaw gets fatigued easily. The muscles feel weak. It takes about 3 weeks for my jaw to get back to normal. It feels like I took a solid punch to the face every time I go through this.  The difference this time is that when my teeth line up again, I get new teeth made. I prepaid for it all. I planned ahead for it.  When I can smile again, it's going to be a beautiful day! Jan 28, 2023 I look pretty good considering how I feel. There is still a considerable amount of swelling. I feel like crap today. Nauseous. My stomach hurts. I still feel like I took a good solid punch to the face. I can feel the areas where my head was pinned; those spots feel tender to the touch. February 1, 2023 The coolest thing happened to me today. It's one of those little things that turns out to be a big thing... I wa...

I had forgotten to bring my remote to my surgery. I'm grateful the neuromodulation nurse was able to hook me up!  How many girls out there can say they have a remote to their brain? This device, helping in pioneering the way for all those with similar brain trauma everywhere! I hope this surgery can bring relief to someone else out there some day.  For me, I expect it will completely change my life for the best. I will finally live a normal life. I will be able to be fully present and in the moment for the first time in almost 30 years! I've been praying my whole life for this. This is my miracle.

Nov30, 2022 Dec 1, 2022 Tonight I'm thinking about everything that went wrong on November 17th, during the second surgery. I'm usually fine facing things alone but after the second surgery, when my legs were moving involuntarily, I was looking around the room for a familiar face. My legs were trembling hard. They ran a CT scan.  I had a bad C-PTSD episode coming out of anesthesia. I was alone watching my team try to figure out what was happening. I was unable to speak. It's been on my mind a lot these past few days. I couldn't sit up because I was being held down. My body was trembling fiercely as my legs jerked. I was being held down in ice water. I could hear the noises I was making. Gurgling noises almost. I rode it out as quietly as I could like a wave in the ocean until it dissipated and I returned to reality. Thankfully the third surgery went much better. I'm hoping and praying it will be ...

November 18th, 2022 The lead in my cheek got dislodged when I was opening my mouth too wide dry heaving and vomitting after surgery. As a result, I will be getting the dislodged lead explanted on November 28th. It's disappointing but I'm not upset. My neurosurgeon is an amazing guy because he is trying to help me when everyone else turned me away. This is just a minor setback.  I've been blessed with a lot of good people. Angels really. And these people have made all the difference in my life. Setbacks happen. I'm still going to get back up, it's just going to take a little more time. For now, I'm taking antibiotic to prevent a meningitis infection as I enjoy the benefits of stimulation therapy.  November 24, 2022 I was instructed not to wash my hair for 6 weeks because my sutures are dissolvable. Six days Post-Op the greasy mess is impossible to brush.  I shaved it off. So gross. I actually look like my brothers. I am finding this hilarious!  ...